My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
