Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
