so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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