This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
