Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
