thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Drunk is a universal language darling
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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