did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
