Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
