im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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