You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
