this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
