it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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