So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
