He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
