dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
