Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
