You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
