Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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