Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
