Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
