im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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