In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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