If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
