My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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