Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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