Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
