I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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