I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
