i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
