she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
