I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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