hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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