Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
