I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize