My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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