I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
