sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize