I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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