....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
