i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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