Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
