here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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