remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sober January is a disaster.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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