I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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