its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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