Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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