i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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