If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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