3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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