Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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