oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
did i walk over a car last night?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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