At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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