It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
