he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
