I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
