Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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