chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
