i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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