shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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