I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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