Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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