everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
