I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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