Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
