dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
