i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
