Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My cat gives me a boner
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize