Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
