At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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